Face In The Mirror: The Story Behind Fatgurlinside

Fat Gurl Inside. It's an unusual choice for a blog name, I know, but it has a lot of meaning to me. A lot of it has to do with the fact that, on the inside, I'm a lover of all things sugary sweet and delicious and fattening and... well, things that would make my waistline expand generously.

But it's more than that. It has a lot to do with a part of my life that I have always been afraid to open up about: my struggle with weight and my self-image. In the past I've tried to laugh it off, pretending everything was ok, when it wasn't.

If you opened up my photo book you'd see that throughout my years of high school and early adulthood, my weight yoyoed. I know I may not look like a fat gurl to some people, but we all define being fat differently.

And, honestly, at the end of the day, it didn't matter what people thought I looked like. Fat. Thin. Whatever. What mattered was what I thought, and what I saw in the mirror was not anything I was proud of. I felt physically weak, low on energy, sluggish, which all can be symptoms of being overweight. In high school I struggled with poor eating habits, sometimes starving myself and being obsessed with walking a six mile loop on a regular basis in hopes of shedding those extra 20 pounds I was carrying around, cleverly hidden under baggy clothes.

I didn't like the outward me!

Until I was willing to really do something about it though I wasn't able to openly admit that I wasn't happy with that gurl I saw in the mirror. I couldn't even look at my before photos for the first several weeks after starting my first Challenge Group. I'm so thankful I took them though! Now it is a wonderful reminder of how far I have come, how much my body has changed, strengthened and slimmed down from working out regularly, drinking Shakeology, and trying to eat more healthily.

As a Christian I know that looking good isn't everything. Our society puts far too much emphasis on being sexy and slim and gorgeous. I don't want to compound that in any way. But I also believe there is a godly way of caring for our physical bodies that is good and healthy. And I thank God for the motivation He has given me to pursue a healthier lifestyle. It does feel nice to have more confidence in how I look, and to not stress over what to wear in order to feel comfortable in my own skin. We all have a right to feel good about our looks, to put on that cute dress for a date night and feel awesome in it, to have the strength to enjoy physical activities, to have the endurance to run a marathon.

If you've ever felt like me, you know the feeling of trying on 10 different outfits before you either give up or find something to hide behind. You don't have to live that way though! All you need are some goals, a willingness to work hard, and a group of people that can support you in the process.

I would love to be your support, to encourage you, to push you, to hold you accountable and challenge you to do things you never thought possible! If this is something you are ready to do let me know, and we can figure out a plan that will help you reach you personal goals!