Custom Header

Dani Grant, Maui Dani Grant, Maui
Dani Grant, Maui Homepage About Dani Recipes Beachbody Penny Pinching Prose Disclaimer Contact

Friday, May 8, 2015

The Elephant In The Room

The Elephant In The Room
Grandma's newly completed porch.
It's been quiet here on the blog the last week or so and there are several reasons why.

First off my husband's Grandma, who we live with, was going to be gone for a couple weeks and we decided to give her porch a makeover. I spent my mornings last week painting, cleaning, and transforming the porch into a fresh, welcoming place to enjoy the beautiful spring weather! This was a top secret mission, so I was unable to post about it until Grandma came home.

Then this week I've been busy working, preparing to travel out west and making a surprise trip to see some dear friends of mine while they are here in the states. So, my time for writing was greatly limited.

I wanted to get this post written before Mother's Day though, because, well, I think I'm finally ready to share it.

My Big Reveal

Very few of you know that my husband and I decided to wait two years after getting married to start a family. June 30, 2014, marked two years. We were excited to embark on this journey into parenthood, but we hadn't expected it to be so hard. We're young, healthy and everyone around us is getting pregnant, so it must be in the water, right?

Well, by December we knew there was something wrong and that a doctor visit was going to have to happen in order to figure out what the next step would be. I put it off until after the holidays, hoping the problem would work itself out, but no such luck. So off to the doctor's I went. The problem was nothing serious, and the doctor's initial suggestion seemed like an easy enough fix, so I left with the hope that in the next couple of months we'd have a baby on the way.

Four months later... nadda.

My Low Place

During the winter I found myself in a place I thought I would never return. I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed or be around people. Honestly I just wanted to curl up in a ball wrapped in a fleece blanket and eat an entire container of ice cream while watching Hallmark.

Seeing so many other people around me get pregnant was hard too. I had difficulty congratulating them. I couldn't confide in anyone, except my husband, and he, admittedly, couldn't fully understand my feelings about this problem.

But who else could I talk to? Isn't this a private thing? Something you don't talk about? That's what I believed and so I went along with it.

During these few months I was also dealing with the death of my grandfather, the first close relative of mine to leave us for Heaven. The winter was brutal with sub-zero temperatures much of the time. I had quit my job with the anticipation that our house was going to sell, but when that fell through life became even more confusing and messed up.

My New Place

It wasn't until I went to Florida to meet my Beachbody family of coaches that I started to see the light shining at the end of the long dark hallway I had been walking in for months. I was able to open up to some of them and talk about these issues, and it felt good. I found out that several others had experienced difficulty getting pregnant. I was not alone! I am so thankful that God put me on that team and allowed me to go meet everyone. He used them to greatly encourage me just when I needed it most.

Since that trip to Florida I have learned several things that have brought me to the place where I can share about this in such a public way.

First of all, don't ask someone if or when they are going to start having babies. Ever. It's just rude. You have no idea how hurtful that question can be. They may have not started trying, or maybe they've been trying for months or years, or maybe they found out that they can't conceive without medical help that they possibly can't afford. And, honestly, my sex life is none of your business! I have some close friends that I can confide in, but I have no intention of telling Dick, Tom and Harry when I plan to get pregnant.

As Mother's Day approaches be sensitive to those who have lost little ones far too soon, have empty arms and empty wombs. This can be a very hard holiday for couples who have struggled with infertility, miscarriage or have been unable to get pregnant despite no medical reason why they wouldn't be able to. I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate Mother's Day, just be considerate. If you know a friend who has miscarried or lost a little one too soon, she is a mother. Honor her!

Finally the thing that God impressed on my heart this week is that I NEED to find my identity in Him. As long as I place my identity in wanting to be a mom, focusing on that desire and then seeing it go unmet, I WILL be miserable! Nowhere in God's Word am I promised to be a mother someday, and that may not be His plan for me. Instead I NEED to have my identity secure in Christ, in who He is and what He has done, only then can I keep pressing on through the trials and hard times.

I guess the other reason I've been busy lately and not blogging is that I'm trying to find balance in who I am as a whole person. I'm not just fitness coach Dani. I am a friend, a wife, a daughter and a child of God. I have emotions, hard days, and things I'm learning about and busy doing that aren't just health and fitness related. I want this blog to reflect who I am as a whole person.

If you are still reading, thank you! I hope what I have been learning blesses and encourages your heart today!

Dani the Fat Gurl Inside


  1. I know how hard keeping this secret is. It took me four years and the birth and loss of the twins to open up. I truly believe God brought us back into each other's lives for a reason. If there is anything you need or want to talk about, I'm here. Much love and big hugs this Mother's Day.

    1. Thanks friend! And maybe that is one of the reasons God brought us back together!

  2. So very thankful to God for bringing you to this place of inner healing and peace. When we look to God for our true self it allows us to be free to become who He designed us to be. After the loss of three, my miracle child was born and has since blessed me with two grandchildren. In His timing. Thank you Dani for sharing your heart. You are indeed a child of the One True King

    1. Thanks! Bringing things into the Light always helps with healing, and so I am thankful that He gave me the strength to do so!

  3. Oh Dani. You are so strong and definitely not alone. I've been praying since you said something in one of your posts a while back. My cousin struggled with unexplained infertility for ten years. My grandfather hounded them the entire time. No one knew they had struggled until after she got pregnant with her first. Now, they have 2.

    Not going to tell you it's going to be OK ...because it sucks. But I will tell you this journey you are on, of finding your identity and worth in Christ is making you into one amazing woman and will, some day, make you an amazing mom.

    1. Thanks! It is amazing what God can use to mold and shape us if we allow. I am so thankful for His love and comfort and that by sharing I've come to realize I am truly not alone!

  4. 💜 Sending love and prayers your way! If you ever want to talk, I have been there and understand...

    1. Thank you! Sorry you have also walked this journey but I also rejoice in you bringing home your boy into a forever family that will transcend even here on earth as you have given him the opportunity to know how he can have eternal life!